Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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