She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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