Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
