I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
