She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
