There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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