There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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