someone threw a dead crab at me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
