Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
