mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
