Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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