I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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