OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
