I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
