so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just invented taco cereal.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
