Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
