I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
be right there i have to get my cape
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
