Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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