I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
