is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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