So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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