I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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