I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
