the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
