My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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