I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
