just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just found puke in my bra..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
