Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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