i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
