I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.