Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?