Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.