i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.