fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
