Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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