my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My vagina is very pro this idea
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