Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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