We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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