people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
