I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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