I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
