So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
