Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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