if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
