My Higher Power is John Stamos
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
