I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
