1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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