can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Vodka?
Forever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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