he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
