she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize