My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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