used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
