Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
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God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown