May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.