if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.