You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me