He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need a beard to bite.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
