Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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