im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
