it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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