I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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