my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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