I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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