If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
