i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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