Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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