If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
