genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
