drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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