If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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