Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
