U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
