her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it glows. i had to have it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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