Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
