Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
