you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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