I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
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i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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