all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Bring me that man meat
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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