so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
being pregnant is like rehab
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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